You Are The One I Love

Little Saratu and Maryam

Have you ever said, “I love you,” to your cocky brother or sassy sister? Can you remember the last time you said, “I love you,” to your overbearing father, grouchy boss; pesky neighbour, screwy roommate or envious friend? In the past year, did you bother to say, “I love you,” to your philandering husband or delinquent child? I know boyfriends whisper this to you with gleaming eyes and groping hands. Girlfriends coo it into your ears when they need to get their hair done or buy Dove Soap and Dark & Lovely Relaxer. I am not talking about that hormone-inspired thing (which, believe it or not, will, at most, last only two years.) I am talking about the real thing: the, “...love of God [which] is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Rom. 5:5, KJV). You do have that love don’t you? Or are you not a Christian?

    You may dismiss this as ‘Western culture’ alien to our African tradition. I’ve heard people say, “It’s silly to go about saying, ‘I love you, I love you.’ Too much of it and it’ll sound contrived.” But have you ever lost someone you love? How did it feel? What caused you so much pain?

    One of the things that causes so much grieve to the bereaved is the lost opportunity to express their feelings, to say, “I love you,” to say, “I’m sorry,” to appreciate their loved ones when they were alive. We often take the ones we love for granted. We assume they know we love them. It should go without saying. They ought to recognize the little acts of love we constantly demonstrate: the smiles; the kind words, gifts, care, attention and constant fellowship; kind consideration and favour. Surely, they know we love them?

    The third time he said to him, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

    Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, You know all things; you know that I love you" (John 21:17, NIV).

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    When Jesus came into the region of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, saying, "Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?"

    So they said, "Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets."

    He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?"

    Simon Peter answered and said, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

    Jesus answered and said to him, "Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah, for flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven" (Matt.16:13—19, NKJV).

    In the first passage above, Jesus asked Peter, three times, if he loved Him. Thinking perhaps the Lord doubted his love for Him, Peter, “...said to Him, ‘Lord, You know all things; You know I love You.’” In the second passage, Jesus asked his disciples what people thought of Him. He had ministered among them, healed the sick, raised the dead; calmed the storm, fed the hungry; chased out demons…surely, He knew what people thought of Him? After all, (as Peter must have thought) he is omnipresent and omniscient? Nonetheless, He wanted to hear it from their mouths.

    Next, He asked His disciples what they thought of Him. Who responded first but the sanguine Peter? Hear him proclaim unabashed, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” This is not only a proclamation of faith; it is also a profession of love. Even though Jesus knew Peter loved Him, he wanted the disciple to voice it. For the word of the mouth has a binding power. When Peter voiced that truth, there was no going back. He had taken a stand—for the truth of Christ. “...You know that I love you,” “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God!” Strong words.

    And Jesus responded ecstatically. He blessed Peter, not for his wisdom, or his innate capacity to love, but for allowing God to reveal that truth to him.  For without allowing Love to shed the truth (His Word) in us, we have no hope of appreciating the God-kind of love, without which we have no hope of loving others truly much less confessing it.  

    As for confessing sin, there are rewards for confessing love. God is Love, and He confesses it to us daily: “…for his sun gives light to the evil and to the good, and he sends rain on the upright man and on the sinner” (Matt 5: 45, BBE), “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...” (John 3:16, NKJV). We cannot ignore this virtue. The Lord exhorts us to, “confess with [our] mouth the Lord Jesus and...with the mouth confession is made unto salvation” (Rom. 10:9, 10, NKJV). So also, after Peter confessed his love for the Christ, he is blessed and received the assurance that, “The gates of Hades shall not prevail against you...And I will give you the Keys to the Kingdom of heaven...” What a fantastic prize.

    God took Peter into deeper communion with Him for merely articulating his love for Him. The same should happen when we voice our love for our family and friends. When we say, “I love you,” and truly mean it, we formally declare our intension to commit to, or continue in communion with, the people we love. When they respond in kind, as Peter did, the fruit will be a bond that even, “the gates of hell cannot prevail against.” When we withhold this, we leave them frustrated, insecure and in doubt, and this may open a door for Satan to steal into our relationships.

    Love is both a gift and a virtue: A gift, because it is freely given and freely received; a virtue, because it needs cultivation and nurturing. There is a Proverb that says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man [or woman] sharpens the countenance of his [or her] friend” (Prov. 27:17, NKJV). Failure to openly proclaim our love tends to dull that of those who love us. They may continue to love us—albeit with faltering steps—but their perturbed spirits continue to confront us with the questions, “Do you love me? But who do you say I am?”

    “Do you love me? But who do you say I am?” is the query the agonizing bereaved did not answer when their family or friends were alive. Now that they are gone, they have lost the opportunity to enjoy a relationship whose binding power even the gates of hell have no power to undermine. But wait. There is an interesting twist to this. Sin is not only the bad we do, but also the good we choose not to do. “The man [or woman] who has knowledge of how to do good and does not do it, to him [or her] it is sin” (James 4:17 BBE). We err grievously when we do not disclose the truth of our love. As the scripture says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love” (Prov. 27:5, WEB).

    If we are the Christians we claim to be, we will live as Christ lived. Everyday He asks us, our friends ask us, “do you love me? But who do you say I am?” Would our response be as emphatic as Peter’s, not merely saying, you are my spouse, or you are my sibling, or you are my friend, but you are the one I love?   

    “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” (John 13:17, NIV). I love you.